Wednesday, 22 October 2014

The Dreaded Performance

Yesterday evening was the culmination of almost a month's worth of full time effort. My memory failed me a billion times. My fingers told me 'not today' almost every day. My head was constantly ringing with the jumbled notes. But finally, yesterday...

...I played my guitar.

I did a little more than this. I performed to a ridiculously small audience of people who, in some cases unfortunately, I am likely to meet again. 

Of all the performances I've done (which in truth, are few), this was the one that scared me the most. This was the one that I had the most difficulty with in terms of memorising it, and it was the one which I had the most trouble connecting with. I never walk into performances feeling confident, or even happy, but this was the time where I completely expected to fail.

Thankfully, I didn't. It wasn't an amazing performance, or my best. But I hit most of the correct notes, and some were played with actual feeling. Most importantly, I didn't fall of my stool!

Image sourced from here.

I realised something just this morning: I hate performing. I hate the stress of the practice. I hate the nerves in the build-up to the performance. I hate the feeling of being so over-whelmed by the lights, and the people, and the cold and warmth all at the same time. I hate the realisation of how many mistakes were made, that comes just after the applause has finished. So, why the heck do I do it?

Perhaps hate is a strong word. Immensely dislike may be a better term. But the experience seems so terrifically horrible. this time next week, I have resolved to form a list of reasons why I, and others, put myself through this horrific experience...

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